faux fruit and lies

Today I encountered an annoyance. I'd like to say it was more than that, but really, then I'd be over-dramatizing the fact that I was simply too lazy to read.

I think the situation I encountered today has a history, though. I think that the health craze that's been going on for probably longer than I've been alive is the culprit... though from my short vantage point of 21 years, it seems like the health craze has gotten more extreme since I've gotten older. Granted, I must give lee-way for the years that I was unaware it even existed which makes the spike in the health craze much more dramatic in my own mind.

Anyway, I was on my merry way through Meijer, practically jogging. I was feeling good about my pace and trying to relieve the cognitive dissonance I felt about not working out and the fact that I should work out more by telling myself that this speedy jaunt and the vegetables I was buying were as good as a 30 minute visit to the gym. Nice try. Even faking that argument sounded ridiculous in my head.

So I've got a heaping basket full of mostly healthy food hanging from my arm cutting off the circulation as I make my way up to the check out. (With the weight of the thing, I was still calculating the extra calories that I had burned from the dairy aisle to the front of the store...) I decided the moment I had walked through those automatic doors that I would be treating myself to some sort of drink. This never happens. Strike that. This rarely happens. It's a big deal, and I want to do it right.

I begin perusing the drinks. Don't want pop. No tea- hate cold tea. *where's the regular flavored water?* No sugared flavored water. *I've seen the commercials. It would take a whole 'nother 20 laps around the store to burn off a water!* No, no, no. Fine. Juice will do. Sugary but sometimes its a serving of fruit. Snapple? *Yes, this looks perfect and it says "immunity" on the front. gotta be good for ya* Snatch the Snapple and run since I was literally beginning to feel my muscles split where the skinny handles of the basket were cutting in.

It's not until I get into the car to enjoy this lovely treat that I so painstakingly chose that I read on the label: "Juice Drink"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

10% Juice, it says. This just doesn't make sense to me. The label has pictures of real fruit- pinapple, and oranges, and mangoes and all sorts of ridiculous tropical fruit that is supposedly smashed into the bottle. AND A MAP in teh background...as if this was delicately chosen fruit from around the world. But no. It should have been a picture of a mound of sugar with a lake nearby. Oh, and maybe a pea-sized apple somewhere in there. That's what this bottle contained.

And I drank it.

Thank you Snapple for lying to me. I trusted you. Oh, and thank you health craze for letting it get to this point.